It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize