the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
