We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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