M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
