Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize