nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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