I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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