Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize