I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
