just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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