So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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