I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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