Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
