I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
