He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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