I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had sex on a roof
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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