It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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