grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
