and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
