We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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