I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
