I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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