I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
