What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
