the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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