dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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