Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
