when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
