saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
