The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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