moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
