lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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