I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
