I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
