I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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