i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
