Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize