I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
