It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
