also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
