The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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