yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
