Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize