Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
