she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
