I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize