Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Drunk is not a location!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
