Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
