smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
