What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize