Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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