she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
