I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
