I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
