I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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