Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize