Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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