remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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