I'm jealous of your bromance
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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