Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
