planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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