dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
