Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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