we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
