Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
