i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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