your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
