So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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