Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
