I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
