I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
