ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
