Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize