Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
