D3 body, D1 cock
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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