you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
