Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
