Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
