Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
