Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
