Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
