you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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