So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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