last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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