Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
