That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize