I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
