You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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